Monday, August 9, 2010
i've done it again~ allowed my blog to rot to the deepest recesses of time. but now i feel like writing once more.
sadly the motivation for blogging again isn't a good one. some revelations were made known to me last week which set me thinking and reflecting on myself. sometimes i wonder just how well i know myself. perhaps all this while i've been holding on to a very self-conceived image of myself, constructed for the pure convenience of putting my conscience at ease so that i can rest peacefully every night. and everything feels all right... until someone comes along and openly challenges this idealistic image of myself.
and then all the cracks which i have been trying so hard to conceal become so evident to me again. my flaws and insecurities start pouring out and my insides don't feel like they belong to me anymore.
i've always felt that i'm a simple person at heart. not wanting or expecting a lot from anyone or anything and just wanting to lead a happy life filled with smiles and laughter. but yet i still do things that just end up complicating my own life and hurting people along the way. haunted by the consequences of my very own actions.
i hate feeling this way. hate feeling my own confidence slowly seep away and leaving me trembling in the naked cold of my own guilt. a rude wake up call to the reality i've been escaping from.
i wonder...just how self-blinded have i become all these years? i'm sorry...
was chewin' grass at
6:30 AM,